More tales of rejection woe

So I received two more rejections today--one for a query and one for a full submission. I am kinda disappointed about the full rejection, because the agent is one of the top in the industry and I hoped, like every other wishful-thinking writer, that someone as well-known as him might take a chance on my novel. He was very nice in his rejection and said: "While I enjoyed its realistic grasp of a dark teenage drama, I’m afraid I struggled to connect strongly with Miran as a character." In DOWN, Miran (pronounced Meer-an) is a seventeen-year-old girl whose world spins out of control after she is date-raped by the least likely boy in school. Think of it as Ellen Hopkins meets Sarah Dessen.

While I would be quick to react like many writers and immediately second-guess my writing, my characters, I've had plenty of readers (male and female) say they really were moved by Miran and her story. So, while this agent didn't connect, someone else has to. Again, it all goes back to their own individual preferences. Perhaps this agent wasn't into the heavy, dark journey Miran takes to rebuild her life. Gritty YA isn't for everybody. 

Yes, I did have a minor freak out where I wanted to cry, wanted to curl up in a ball, throw my manuscript against the wall and give up. But, I reminded myself: I've only been at this for 3 weeks! I haven't earned a full-blown breakdown until I've been at this for a few months or a year. This is how the game goes. Rejection is common. Onward to the next, breath held, fingers crossed. I have 2 other fulls out with agents right now.

First though, I think I'll have a chocolate chip cookie. Or ten.

My first (full) rejection

So, less than 24 hours after emailing full submissions, the first rejection for DOWN came back. It was actually a very nice rejection. This agent said there was "certainly a lot to like" and she really appreciated the non-linear timeline. She also said she sees "quite a bit of potential" and encourages me to stick with it.

The main reason she passed was because she wanted more of a story like THE MOCKINGBIRDS (a book that also deals with date rape), and wanted more humor. While Daisy Whitney's book is fab, and our books center around a teenage girl getting raped, my story is meant to be darker, more intense.

Some agents have preferences on what they like, and my subject matter is definitely not going to be everyone's cup of tea. People will want it lighter, funnier, whatever. But, that's okay. I really like this rejection, and I respect the agent who wrote it. She gave me hope that I can still find a "match" for DOWN. 

I want to share this journey with you, whether you're a writer just getting started, or an avid YA reader. For those writing your first book toward the dream of publication, keep going. I remember where I was a year, even two years ago -- following writers who had just landed and agent or inked their first book deal and were excitedly sharing their journeys. I remember longing to be in their shoes. Now, I am getting closer to that goal. We all must keep going. We all must keep writing. 

After all, it's our stories that make the world come alive.

Submission survival

Alright, so I did it.

After my angsty, fear-induced state of panic this weekend, I finally did my second polish on DOWN -- my OCD polish, as I like to call it. I stayed up until 1:30am and made myself do it. And then I made myself send out two fulls.

So, there. I survived.

I am sending a third full out today, and have to write a synopsis to go along with the partial, and that might be later in the week. But, the important thing is that I am moving forward.

I still am going to query a ton more agents, but the harder part is over. I've broken the ice and achieved another milestone in my path to agentdom and publication. (Yes, I am freaking tired and had to suck down a ton of coffee today at work.)

My YA author friend, Mindi Scott (FREEFALL, Simon Pulse 2010) had a blog entry from summer that I re-discovered today. She is working on a second book called LIVE THROUGH THIS and in June she wrote about her own angst/panic and feeling like the project sucked. She said:

At some point after I've been toiling for months on end, I'll realize that nothing in the story is going the way I want, that I've made a huge mistake deciding to write this book, that I shouldn't be a writer at all, that my life is meaningless without writing and my misery is endless, and what is the point of any of this anyway?

It comforted me and also reminded me that ALL writers have these moments of terror, of self-doubt, of hopelessness. We all cry, eat too much Ben and Jerry's in the heat of the moment, and stare at our computer screens with desperation and exhaustion, wondering how the hell we can type another word. Mindi is a great writer, and if you haven't read FREEFALL, please do yourself a favor and go buy it now on Amazon. Following Mindi's journey from pre-publication to now second and third books gives me courage and hope to keep going.

I have no idea how long it's going to take me to land an agent, but I have to try...

Procrastination, fear, and writing

So I haven't reached out to my blog followers in a looooong time. Many of you have been wondering what I've been up to the last six months or so. Well, I've been really busy. In fact, this has been the busiest year of my adult life.

I graduated in June with an MFA in Fiction from Southern New Hampshire University. In case you haven't heard of it, SNHU's MFA program offers a 2-year low-residency degree in fiction and non-fiction. It's a small program and relatively new -- less than ten years old with about 70 students. My graduating cohort in June was ten. However, it's a program getting more and more national attention -- we just brought onboard Oprah Book Club pick Jacquelyn Mitchard (The Deep End of the Ocean) as a writing fellow and faculty member. She was so impressed by the program that she turned down some other big MFAs to join SNHU. I am so proud of my program, and blessed by the opportunities it presents for graduates.

Speaking of that, the time has come to shop my YA book, Down for an agent. Out of the ten writers I graduated with, one has already landed an agent. The time from submission to signing on the dotted line took an incredibly short amount of time -- she's a fantastic literary fiction writer, so none of us were surprised when she called with the good news. I let my book sit for good four months or so before I dared touch the thing. To be honest, I'm really tired. I work long hours at a full-time job, plus have my own business doing PR and marketing for authors (which I love!) and that leaves a little free time for reading/writing/cooking/cleaning the house/keeping my boyfriend and our three pets alive and well-fed. Inspired by my friend, I decided to pick up where I had left off -- so I gave my novel to some people to read and critique.

One came back with comments that were so helpful! She actually took the time to read and make track change notes in a Word doc for me -- catching silly things that I was oblivious to in my frenzied, sleep-deprived push to get the book polished for the end of the MFA. (My MFA is pass/fail, so there is huge pressure to make is good. And by good, I mean that the professors expect it to be of publishable quality.) The changes she suggested were minimal and easy. And, she said the book was really good. Everyone who has heard me read it publicly, or has read excerpts agrees. My faculty agrees, too. Phew!

So, I jumped the gun a little and did what agents warn you not to do: query before you're ready. Okay, I technically am ready -- the book is finished, has had a round of polishing, and there are no plot/character/setting changes to be made. (By the way, I am really OCD about this book, so I wanted to do another round of polish before I let it leave my hands.) I queried on a Sunday night about two weeks ago. This is what happened: 3 requests for fulls; 1 request for a partial; 1 rejection. (Yay! I got my first rejection!)

Okay, great -- I have some people who are interested.

The bad part? The manuscript is in front of me with my stupid little OCD changes I want to make and I can't do it. I just can't. I have procrastinated by painting the house, watching TV, writing this blog entry. I am scared of making these changes and finally letting go. I am afraid of rejection, even though I've already been rejected. I know, it sounds bizarre. I guess I am deathly afraid of an agent telling me the whole thing sucks. Any writer can relate: you spend a few years of your life with a story, living it, breathing it, feeling it. It's like carrying a child. You complete the novel, you birth the child. And then you have to send it out into the world. This weekend was so bad. I have been so afraid that I literally gave myself a panic attack that lasted hours Saturday night.

When you know you're meant to be a writer -- have felt it in your bones since being a little girl -- and it's the only thing that matters in your life, you're terrified of it being ripped away. My writer friends told me the other week that you can never lose your writing, because it's always there. I guess I am afraid of the world not accepting my writing, which I pour every ounce of myself into. It is me, I am it. Don't confuse this with me not taking constructive criticism -- I can. I've taken a lot. There is a difference between that and being told the whole thing's no good. That is hard to handle. That is my biggest fear.

However, as I sit writing this, I am thinking, what if all these requests in such as short period of time is a sign? One agent took only 5 minutes from when I sent the query, to him emailing me back with a full request. That's got to mean something, right? Call me naive, call me green, but I'm being initiated into the "real" writing path to agentdom and book deal. It's exciting and terrifying and I hope I can look back a year from now and be proud of how far I've come.

But first, I've got to do some final polishing...

Book review: Shattered Souls by Mary Lindsey

Title: Shattered Souls

Author: Mary Lindsey

Publisher: Philomel/Penguin, December 8, 2011

Hardcover, 366 pages

Rating: 3.5/5

Lenzi hears voices and has visions - gravestones, floods, a boy with steel gray eyes. Her boyfriend, Zak, can't help, and everything keeps getting louder and more intense. Then Lenzi meets Alden, the boy from her dreams, who reveals that she's a reincarnated Speaker - someone who can talk to and help lost souls - and that he has been her Protector for centuries.

Now Lenzi must choose between her life with Zak and the life she is destined to lead with Alden. But time is running out: a malevolent spirit is out to destroy Lenzi, and he will kill her if she doesn't make a decision soon.

I don't read a ton of paranormal books, but I appreciate the detail and planning that obviously went into Mary Lindsey's Shattered Souls. It's a great plot -- a teen girl, Lenzi, experiences paranormal things that the average person doesn't -- and the dynamic between Lenzi and Alden is sure to please readers! Alden is Lenzi's protector, and his job is to keep her safe from malevolent souls who want to take over her body for evil purposes. And who doesn't like a hot protector? But the story is not a superficial, fluffy love story; Lindsey builds a strong history regarding the speakers, protectors, and other things readers learn about as the book progresses. Great first book, I can't wait for the second. It's a strong debut novel and I know we'll be seeing more of Mary Lindsey!