What I've been up to

Some of you have emailed wondering what I've been up to lately. The truth is that my life is absolutely insane right now! I am completing another master's degree, this time with Pace's MS in Publishing program. I highly recommend it to any writer interested in learning/working in the industry.

I'm still querying on Down and sending submissions off to agents. Until I get a strong bite, I'm directing my writing efforts to completing Anna, Undone -- a mature YA novel about a girl who crosses the line by committing a crime that raises the question: When is murder justified? Very excited about this novel and the response from people about the idea has been fantastic. So many have said "That sounds like something I'd read!" I also have another YA novel on the back burner that I hope to start by summer. So any agents reading this: I have many books up my sleeve!

Guest post: author John Michael Cummings on writing

My new book is Ugly To Start With, a collection of stories I think of as an episodic novel. Though I’ve published about 75 stories in good literary journals, even won a few awards, and have an award-winning novel to my credit, I’m pretty much unknown.

And I like it that way.

You may say—what? No way. Okay, if that’s the case, then why are you promoting your work on this site?

Well, you’ve got me there.

But what I’m after here is the honesty in writing, the sheer, lean effort that we unknowns have to go through to get anything published. Yes, we bring a kind of decent track record on paper that agents can list. But celebrity? Not even a note of it.

The sensible side of me doesn’t wish for obscurity any more than the next writer, but I have to acknowledge that when I earn publication of my writing, it’s on the writing alone. I think I know why, too. I put the reader first. So much so, I may be giving the reader as much as 75 percent consideration and myself, the expressionist, the rest. What this means is that no word goes down on the page unless it’s written for you, the dear reader.

Now you may be thinking—gee, I know this already. But there is more to it, an intensity not often spoken of.

I am blind until you, the reader, see first. I feel and smell nothing in the space around me until you touch the cotton upholstery and you smell the cookie on the counter. There is no sunshine in my story until the sparkle catches your eyes. I live only when you live.

In this sense, writing is never a lonely sport because I am you.

So when I get asked good advice on writing, this is it: make a gift to your reader. Operate quietly in the recesses of the reader’s mind. Be humble and quiet. Tiptoe. You are their waiter, and they have the whole gorgeous restaurant to themselves tonight.

John Michael Cummings' short stories have appeared in more than seventy-five literary journals, including North American Review, The Kenyon Review, Alaska Quarterly Review, and The Chattahoochee Review. Twice he has been nominated for The Pushcart Prize. His short story
"The Scratchboard Project" received an honorable mention in The Best American Short Stories 2007.

He is also the author of the nationally acclaimed coming-of-age novel The Night I Freed John Brown (Philomel Books, Penguin Group, 2009), winner of The Paterson Prize for Books for Young Readers (Grades 7-12) and one of ten books recommended by USA TODAY.

For more information, please visit: 
http://wvupressonline.com/cummings_ugly_to_start_with_9781935978084 
http://www.johnmichaelcummings.com/ 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Michael_Cummings

Q&A with Eileen Cook, author of Unraveling Isobel

Isobel’s life is falling apart. Her mom just married some guy she met on the internet only three months before, and is moving them to his sprawling, gothic mansion off the coast of nowhere. Goodbye, best friend. Goodbye, social life. Hello, icky new stepfather, crunchy granola town, and unbelievably good-looking, officially off-limits stepbrother.

But on her first night in her new home, Isobel starts to fear that it isn’t only her life that’s unraveling—her sanity might be giving way too. Because either Isobel is losing her mind, just like her artist father did before her, or she’s seeing ghosts. Either way, Isobel’s fast on her way to being the talk of the town for all the wrong reasons.


1. Night or day? 
Used to be night, but lately creepy stuff keeps happening, so I prefer day.

2. Watercolor or oil paint?
Watercolor. You only have one chance with watercolor. Oil paint is more forgiving. I like the risk that comes with watercolor, but oil is fun too.

3. Nice boy or bad boy? 
Bad boy, with a nice boy heart.

4. Rock music or pop music? 
I like both, but I likely lean towards rock music. My dad loves jazz and I think that is fun too.

5. Girly-girl or tomboy? 
I’m not remotely athletic so tomboy is out, but I wouldn’t describe myself as girly-girl either. I need a third option.

6. Realist or optimist? 
Realist. You don’t have your dad go crazy on you, and have your mom yank you out of school to move to the middle of nowhere, without being a realist.

7. Fate is predetermined or you're in control of destiny? 

I want there to be a choice somewhere in the middle. Overall, I feel in control of my destiny. I’m not the kind of person who would sit back and just see what happens. However, there are things that happen that seem destined. I never would have chosen to move to this island, but now I think I was meant to be here.

8. Rose or Daisy? 
My favorite flower is a calla lily. Roses are too mainstream, daisies are too happy.

9. Mac or PC? 
Mac has the best art programs. Art is sort of my thing. I’m hoping to get into an art program in college, assuming that my mom doesn’t freak out about it.

10. Land or sea? 
Sea.

11. Sylvia Plath or Sarah Dessen? 
I like a wide range books depending on my mood, so I would like both of these depending on how I was feeling. If I could choose anything it would be a book I bought at a used book store years ago that has pictures of a bunch of the paintings that hang in the National Gallery in London.

Thanks, Eileen! For more info on Eileen and Unraveling Isobel, visit: http://www.eileencook.com/

Image credit: Eileen Cook

To Write Love On Her Arms

I write dark YA.

I write about things that teens want to talk about, feel scared about, but often can't verbalize. Instead, the pain and trauma manifests itself in many ways: substance abuse, eating disorders, self-harm. At 27, I've had countless people ask me why in the world I want to write about such painful things. The truth? I am a wounded soul. I had a lot of trauma in my childhood, and was depressed from age 9 on. I had suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and zero self-esteem. My family, more specifically my father and mother, did not love me in healthy ways, so I developed a very distorted idea of who I was and what I meant in the world.

I meant nothing.

To write YA and act like everything in my own life was fine would be a lie. In fact, to say that I am healed now is a lie as well. Sometimes, you are wounded so badly, stripped of confidence, happiness, and healthy instinct, that it takes a lifetime to figure out how to live. I am still in that process. I've been in and out of therapy for ten years--on different medications to cope for about that long as well.

In many ways, writing Down brought back all the issues I thought had disappeared. But they were just dormant. Depression can be a tricky thing--you think you've finally beat it and then one trigger can open up Pandora's box. I've cut myself. I've held a loaded gun. I've planned out my suicide many times. I've never attempted it, but I've lived with the quiet desperation for everything bad to go away.

There's a lot of shame in admitting your weakness, your desire to be non-existent. To die.

It's hard to live with a monster, a voice, that gnaws at you constantly and tells you that you are not as good as other women, not worthy of love. I recently found myself on the phone with a suicide hotline.

We tend to create roles to maintain a semblance of order. If we continue in the same role, things will not teeter out of balance. My role has been that of an academic: A bachelors and masters, and now a second masters. I push myself because in my mind it will help distance me from the past. I am burned out. If I am not a smart woman, an educated woman, who am I? What role do I fill to escape the pain? Roles make it easier to navigate a safe path, a controllable life. But with that comes a longing for something out of reach: happiness.

My favorite literary fiction author, Haven Kimmel, wrote a passage in The Solace of Leaving Early that defines my entire life:

...have you felt this? this phantom life streaking like a phosphorescent hound at the edges of your ruin?

The quote is about wanting something, a different life, that haunts you and seems unobtainable. It's easy for others to judge, to say that we need to suck it up and focus on the good. Believe me, if it was that simple I would be cured. The big question for us is: How do people finally heal? Some give in to the voice and end their lives. Others walk through life as ghosts--already feeling dead but going through the motions.

I choose to write this, to share this with the world and many people who have no idea of what's really going on. I can't share my writing and preach to teens that things will be okay unless they know I get what they are going through. Life is hard and unpredictable. There are terrible times when you want to give up, and there are times when things seem okay. I can't predict when specific people will overcome, when people will heal, because we are all different. All I know is that I am here to share my story, to share the emotional truth, even if I am dealing with my own demons.

Recently, I discovered To Write Love On Her Arms, a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. It gives me courage to keep moving, even on hard days.

As a writer, I hope to get a deal for Down, so I can donate proceeds from the book to TWLOHA. If you are looking for a non-profit to support, please consider them. Everyone deserves love, everyone deserves to feel love in a healthy way.

I keep going, for hope of better days. I may not be there yet, but every day is a chance to try.

To those dealing with depression and reading this: Please keep going too.




National Hopeline Network (U.S.A.) - www.hopeline.com - 1-800-SUICIDE
S.A.F.E. Alternatives - www.selfinjury.com - Self Abuse Finally Ends
Childhelp – www.childhelp.org - 1-800-4-A-CHILD - National Child Abuse Hotline
National Domestic Violence Helpline - www.ndvh.org - 1-800-799-SAFE
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - www.rainn.org – 1-800-656-HOPE National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Eating Disorders Association - www.nationaleatingdisorders.org - 1-800-931-2237

More tales of rejection woe

So I received two more rejections today--one for a query and one for a full submission. I am kinda disappointed about the full rejection, because the agent is one of the top in the industry and I hoped, like every other wishful-thinking writer, that someone as well-known as him might take a chance on my novel. He was very nice in his rejection and said: "While I enjoyed its realistic grasp of a dark teenage drama, I’m afraid I struggled to connect strongly with Miran as a character." In DOWN, Miran (pronounced Meer-an) is a seventeen-year-old girl whose world spins out of control after she is date-raped by the least likely boy in school. Think of it as Ellen Hopkins meets Sarah Dessen.

While I would be quick to react like many writers and immediately second-guess my writing, my characters, I've had plenty of readers (male and female) say they really were moved by Miran and her story. So, while this agent didn't connect, someone else has to. Again, it all goes back to their own individual preferences. Perhaps this agent wasn't into the heavy, dark journey Miran takes to rebuild her life. Gritty YA isn't for everybody. 

Yes, I did have a minor freak out where I wanted to cry, wanted to curl up in a ball, throw my manuscript against the wall and give up. But, I reminded myself: I've only been at this for 3 weeks! I haven't earned a full-blown breakdown until I've been at this for a few months or a year. This is how the game goes. Rejection is common. Onward to the next, breath held, fingers crossed. I have 2 other fulls out with agents right now.

First though, I think I'll have a chocolate chip cookie. Or ten.

My first (full) rejection

So, less than 24 hours after emailing full submissions, the first rejection for DOWN came back. It was actually a very nice rejection. This agent said there was "certainly a lot to like" and she really appreciated the non-linear timeline. She also said she sees "quite a bit of potential" and encourages me to stick with it.

The main reason she passed was because she wanted more of a story like THE MOCKINGBIRDS (a book that also deals with date rape), and wanted more humor. While Daisy Whitney's book is fab, and our books center around a teenage girl getting raped, my story is meant to be darker, more intense.

Some agents have preferences on what they like, and my subject matter is definitely not going to be everyone's cup of tea. People will want it lighter, funnier, whatever. But, that's okay. I really like this rejection, and I respect the agent who wrote it. She gave me hope that I can still find a "match" for DOWN. 

I want to share this journey with you, whether you're a writer just getting started, or an avid YA reader. For those writing your first book toward the dream of publication, keep going. I remember where I was a year, even two years ago -- following writers who had just landed and agent or inked their first book deal and were excitedly sharing their journeys. I remember longing to be in their shoes. Now, I am getting closer to that goal. We all must keep going. We all must keep writing. 

After all, it's our stories that make the world come alive.

Submission survival

Alright, so I did it.

After my angsty, fear-induced state of panic this weekend, I finally did my second polish on DOWN -- my OCD polish, as I like to call it. I stayed up until 1:30am and made myself do it. And then I made myself send out two fulls.

So, there. I survived.

I am sending a third full out today, and have to write a synopsis to go along with the partial, and that might be later in the week. But, the important thing is that I am moving forward.

I still am going to query a ton more agents, but the harder part is over. I've broken the ice and achieved another milestone in my path to agentdom and publication. (Yes, I am freaking tired and had to suck down a ton of coffee today at work.)

My YA author friend, Mindi Scott (FREEFALL, Simon Pulse 2010) had a blog entry from summer that I re-discovered today. She is working on a second book called LIVE THROUGH THIS and in June she wrote about her own angst/panic and feeling like the project sucked. She said:

At some point after I've been toiling for months on end, I'll realize that nothing in the story is going the way I want, that I've made a huge mistake deciding to write this book, that I shouldn't be a writer at all, that my life is meaningless without writing and my misery is endless, and what is the point of any of this anyway?

It comforted me and also reminded me that ALL writers have these moments of terror, of self-doubt, of hopelessness. We all cry, eat too much Ben and Jerry's in the heat of the moment, and stare at our computer screens with desperation and exhaustion, wondering how the hell we can type another word. Mindi is a great writer, and if you haven't read FREEFALL, please do yourself a favor and go buy it now on Amazon. Following Mindi's journey from pre-publication to now second and third books gives me courage and hope to keep going.

I have no idea how long it's going to take me to land an agent, but I have to try...

Procrastination, fear, and writing

So I haven't reached out to my blog followers in a looooong time. Many of you have been wondering what I've been up to the last six months or so. Well, I've been really busy. In fact, this has been the busiest year of my adult life.

I graduated in June with an MFA in Fiction from Southern New Hampshire University. In case you haven't heard of it, SNHU's MFA program offers a 2-year low-residency degree in fiction and non-fiction. It's a small program and relatively new -- less than ten years old with about 70 students. My graduating cohort in June was ten. However, it's a program getting more and more national attention -- we just brought onboard Oprah Book Club pick Jacquelyn Mitchard (The Deep End of the Ocean) as a writing fellow and faculty member. She was so impressed by the program that she turned down some other big MFAs to join SNHU. I am so proud of my program, and blessed by the opportunities it presents for graduates.

Speaking of that, the time has come to shop my YA book, Down for an agent. Out of the ten writers I graduated with, one has already landed an agent. The time from submission to signing on the dotted line took an incredibly short amount of time -- she's a fantastic literary fiction writer, so none of us were surprised when she called with the good news. I let my book sit for good four months or so before I dared touch the thing. To be honest, I'm really tired. I work long hours at a full-time job, plus have my own business doing PR and marketing for authors (which I love!) and that leaves a little free time for reading/writing/cooking/cleaning the house/keeping my boyfriend and our three pets alive and well-fed. Inspired by my friend, I decided to pick up where I had left off -- so I gave my novel to some people to read and critique.

One came back with comments that were so helpful! She actually took the time to read and make track change notes in a Word doc for me -- catching silly things that I was oblivious to in my frenzied, sleep-deprived push to get the book polished for the end of the MFA. (My MFA is pass/fail, so there is huge pressure to make is good. And by good, I mean that the professors expect it to be of publishable quality.) The changes she suggested were minimal and easy. And, she said the book was really good. Everyone who has heard me read it publicly, or has read excerpts agrees. My faculty agrees, too. Phew!

So, I jumped the gun a little and did what agents warn you not to do: query before you're ready. Okay, I technically am ready -- the book is finished, has had a round of polishing, and there are no plot/character/setting changes to be made. (By the way, I am really OCD about this book, so I wanted to do another round of polish before I let it leave my hands.) I queried on a Sunday night about two weeks ago. This is what happened: 3 requests for fulls; 1 request for a partial; 1 rejection. (Yay! I got my first rejection!)

Okay, great -- I have some people who are interested.

The bad part? The manuscript is in front of me with my stupid little OCD changes I want to make and I can't do it. I just can't. I have procrastinated by painting the house, watching TV, writing this blog entry. I am scared of making these changes and finally letting go. I am afraid of rejection, even though I've already been rejected. I know, it sounds bizarre. I guess I am deathly afraid of an agent telling me the whole thing sucks. Any writer can relate: you spend a few years of your life with a story, living it, breathing it, feeling it. It's like carrying a child. You complete the novel, you birth the child. And then you have to send it out into the world. This weekend was so bad. I have been so afraid that I literally gave myself a panic attack that lasted hours Saturday night.

When you know you're meant to be a writer -- have felt it in your bones since being a little girl -- and it's the only thing that matters in your life, you're terrified of it being ripped away. My writer friends told me the other week that you can never lose your writing, because it's always there. I guess I am afraid of the world not accepting my writing, which I pour every ounce of myself into. It is me, I am it. Don't confuse this with me not taking constructive criticism -- I can. I've taken a lot. There is a difference between that and being told the whole thing's no good. That is hard to handle. That is my biggest fear.

However, as I sit writing this, I am thinking, what if all these requests in such as short period of time is a sign? One agent took only 5 minutes from when I sent the query, to him emailing me back with a full request. That's got to mean something, right? Call me naive, call me green, but I'm being initiated into the "real" writing path to agentdom and book deal. It's exciting and terrifying and I hope I can look back a year from now and be proud of how far I've come.

But first, I've got to do some final polishing...

Book review: Shattered Souls by Mary Lindsey

Title: Shattered Souls

Author: Mary Lindsey

Publisher: Philomel/Penguin, December 8, 2011

Hardcover, 366 pages

Rating: 3.5/5

Lenzi hears voices and has visions - gravestones, floods, a boy with steel gray eyes. Her boyfriend, Zak, can't help, and everything keeps getting louder and more intense. Then Lenzi meets Alden, the boy from her dreams, who reveals that she's a reincarnated Speaker - someone who can talk to and help lost souls - and that he has been her Protector for centuries.

Now Lenzi must choose between her life with Zak and the life she is destined to lead with Alden. But time is running out: a malevolent spirit is out to destroy Lenzi, and he will kill her if she doesn't make a decision soon.

I don't read a ton of paranormal books, but I appreciate the detail and planning that obviously went into Mary Lindsey's Shattered Souls. It's a great plot -- a teen girl, Lenzi, experiences paranormal things that the average person doesn't -- and the dynamic between Lenzi and Alden is sure to please readers! Alden is Lenzi's protector, and his job is to keep her safe from malevolent souls who want to take over her body for evil purposes. And who doesn't like a hot protector? But the story is not a superficial, fluffy love story; Lindsey builds a strong history regarding the speakers, protectors, and other things readers learn about as the book progresses. Great first book, I can't wait for the second. It's a strong debut novel and I know we'll be seeing more of Mary Lindsey!

Book review: Kane Richards Must Die by Shanice Williams

Title: Kane Richards Must Die

Author: Shanice Williams

Publisher: Lands Atlantic Publishing, May 12, 2011

Paperback, 288 pages

Rating: 3/5

After an unexpected transfer to the States for her senior year, Suranne's new friends give her just one instruction: stay away from Kane Richards. According to everyone, he's a heartless playboy concerned only for himself. With one glance, it's easy to see why he gets away with it. But things aren't always what they seem- especially when he sets his sights on her and whispers that she's different.

Despite all the red flags, Suranne considers whether or not his intentions are genuine or if she's simply another name on his list. In the process, she may just uncover the real Kane Richards. But, when it comes down to it, the real Kane Richards may not want to be found.

Filled with raw emotion, Kane Richards Must Die explores relationships, trust, love, and what can happen when life takes an unexpected turn.

I was interested in reading this book, partly because of my own genuine excitement, and partly because of the mixed reviews online -- some haven't given favorable reviews of Kane Richards Must Die, and some have loved the book. Kane Richards Must Die is an easy read, a great book if you want to unwind on the couch at the end of the day. Williams sets up a plot that is familiar to most YA readers: new girl in school falls for mysterious bad boy with a secret. What's not to like about that? The book is marketable, for sure. 

A few minor things that I would polish are: the overuse of cliches and adverbs, and too much telling instead of showing. There are points where readers are given too much information, when they can figure the scene out on their own. Does this prevent me from enjoying the story? No, it's not a deal-breaker. 

Williams builds a fast-paced, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of romance between Suranne and Kane, and that keeps readers hanging on. Teen romance is complicated, confusing, and also a rush to the brain, and I think Williams captures that well. The emotion is there in her writing, and I appreciate that. Will there be a sequel? Perhaps! Will I read it? You bet.

Bottom line: Teen girls will love the hot romance between Suranne and Kane.

Check out this awesome book trailer: